five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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