you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize