She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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