Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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