Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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