I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize