I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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