While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize