I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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