Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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