You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Michael Bay diarrhea
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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