i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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