this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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