I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize