i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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