i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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