Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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