also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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