The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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