Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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