Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize