And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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