It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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