we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize