then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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