I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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