I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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