glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
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You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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