Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a search helicopter?!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize