I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize