Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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