so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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