Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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