Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize