Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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