tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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