Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize