im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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