I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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