did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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