I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize