If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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