I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So squirting runs in the family.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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