mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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