i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I deserve this hangover.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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