Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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