so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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