Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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