You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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