she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
