need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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